To Write or Not to Write?

I woke up in the morning to see the compound wall of opposite house smeared with “A….K FULL”! I rushed out to see the fate of my wall. It was not spared. These are the early signs of impending elections. Last week, I had seen the rival political party reserving the wall spaces two streets away. I knew the race was on for ‘Wall Grabbing’ and it spreads faster than ‘chicun gunya’ virus! The writing on the wall is loud and clear!

Bernard Shaw said, "Politics is the last resort of a scoundrel." If he had seen the present day Indian politicians, he would have rephrased his observations as: Politics is the first resort of a scoundrel. Their acquired as well as inherited skills of various forms of grabbing starting from the wall grabbing to land grabbing to symbol grabbing, etc. puts these sharks on top of the wealth pyramid. This tribe with their ‘letteracy’ plays havoc with our education policies. Why allow them to set the agenda of educating the children?

In the given circumstances, keeping the students prospect in mind, I would opt for an examination system without a written component in it, or settle for minimal share. Writing should not be a predominant condition to test the knowledge of a student. The biggest bane of the present day examination is that, students are asked to read, remember and write. What a torture a student has to endure! No other living creature is put to such an ordeal. But no present day educationist, I know, would vote for my views in a sms poll.

Languages existed long before writing was born. They could survive without writing. Then why do the modern day schools introduce such draconian methods of imposition through writing assignments and spoil the lovely summer vacations? The assertion that doctors have bad handwriting holds an honoured place in the traditional lore. They can be asked to improve their handwriting as part of the house surgeon training!

Believe me, there is always an imminent danger that the ideas of a writer could be misconstrued by the reader. In all my examinations, this was what I experienced. None of my answer sheets were ever evaluated to my satisfaction. In addition, there always is the danger of reading between lines!

The present day examination system is so cagey that once you’ve written your paper, you have no clue whatsoever till the results are out. There is always a grave danger for human error in evaluation which none can deny.

A better way to measure “intelligence” could be to assess the ability of a student to assimilate the experience from daily life that is useful and pertinent to one’s individual values and mission. One should be able to discriminate on what is important to remember, know and understand. The rest should be allowed to pass.

If people misunderstand a speaker, the speaker can correct the misunderstanding immediately. You would have often witnessed the flurry of denials in the news papers by the politicians for every statement they make. They have a standard denial: “I am quoted out of context!” But such a benefit is not bestowed upon writing.

Students during the Vedic times were in a great advantage. In those times, a student used to be tested by his ability to repeat or recount whatever he was taught orally. They never had to read or write anything. Barring the first candidate, I think all others had enough time to refresh their memories!

To silence the opposition to examination system, open book examination system made its stealthy entry. But one should not get carried away by its dubious format. Watch out! This system in no way eliminates writing per se. Whether it is open or closed book examination, there is a little difference in the writing trial.

Here, let me offer my piece of advice. In open book examinations, use only that textbook with which you are familiar with, otherwise you will end up wasting most of your valuable time reading, and not writing. In the process, you may as well forget to write your name and roll number on the answer books. Some tired ones might write the name and number of their friend!

I have always had profound sympathies for the students of Chinese and Japanese. I used to wonder how they could take up their examinations and complete it in the allotted time. To become significantly learned in the Chinese writing, it would take about twenty years. How many of us are aware that poetry is more visual in Chinese and Japanese than oral? Using a traditional Chinese typewriter with over three to four thousand keys, a skilled typist is expected to type only about eleven words per minute!! Japanese is still frightening. I don’t have space to discuss it here. Let me reserve it for some other time.

It is generally believed that people do not remember 10% of what they read, 20% of what they see, 30% of what they hear, etc. Such pronouncements are horrendous and outright fraudulent.

I can extend this observation to the culinary art. I am no tyro and I can reel out similar numbers..

If you want to become a good cook by reading cookery books, mind you, you can implement only 10% of what you read. So please refrain from presenting a cookery book to a newly wed bride and expect miracles.

If you want to go by the experience of others, you can succeed only 20%, from what you hear from them. Never attempt any dish by listening to a radio programme on cookery. I wouldn't be surprised if you burn your fingers!

If you want to achieve mastery by seeing your wife cooking, you may pick up 30% of the art but there is a grave risk that 100% of the task may be transferred to you!!

If you want to watch and learn from a cookery programme on TV, it is worth trying, but let me caution you, the recipes shown on TV channels are the most dreadful things to be attempted and consumed. You can achieve at best only 50% of what is claimed.

No doubt, hands-on-training can help attain success percentages as high as 70%. But the drawback is that you’ve to eat what you’ve cooked. Of course, experience is the greatest of educators. Make several attempts and you might succeed.

Is there a way out then?

Well, go out for a candle light dinner and order the most exotic dishes and let the mood prevail for a considerable time so that you don’t entertain the idea of acquiring culinary skills.

Even after such a dinner, if you are haunted by the Hameletian dilemma: To write or not to write, I would recommend you to speak to Munna Bhai-MBBS. That should put all your doubts at rest.

P.S: My endeavour is not to belittle 'writing art' but to battle the dominance of 'writing part' in examinations. I am aware that I could not have said all that I wanted to…. for words are slippery eventhough my thoughts are vivid and vibrant. Assignment is submitted for your read-through.
*******

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say. ~Mark Twain

Woman-Hours

It all started on that momentous day when on my routine ride to the office by our staff bus, I and my colleague were involved in solving the Daily Crossword. It is our agreement that I would attempt the ‘Across’ clues and he would attempt the ‘Down’ clues to start with. Then we would exchange the papers and I would fill the ‘across’ clues in his paper and vice versa. At this stage, we did encounter some road blocks. Some of my (across) guesses would not match well with his (down) guesses. We would then independently correct the answers and exchange the papers again. By the time we got down at the security gate and subjected ourselves to baggage and personal checks, we would have exhausted our individual attempts. After the security check we occupied adjacent seats and thrashed out the remaining clues jointly. It was one of those daily crossword rides when we got struck at the 21 ‘across’ clue which read: “Small needle of a homosapien’s watch lost during a factory strike (3, 5).” We both guessed almost at the same time and articulated in chorus: “Man Hours”!

This clue somehow distracted us into a serious discussion leaving aside the remaining clues of the crossword puzzle.

The debating issue was: “Why waste of time is always measured in man-hours even though the fairer sex also indulges in it?”

Let me willingly and honestly attempt to reveal the prejudice in the world. I devote my bandwidth in disclosing, exposing and discussing, the least talked about and one of the great taboo issues here: Woman-Hours. With the advent of broadband and the blog sites, I am sure there will be a greater need to write and talk about Woman-Hours.

Our conversation evoked response from the fellow passengers though not vocally but by their approving looks and nods.

People always harp upon man-hours and rarely talk about woman-hours. Has anybody given a serious thought as to how many woman-hours were lost due to Humlog, Buniyaad, Khandaan and the latest soap: Kyunki Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi.

Nay, never. Is it because of the up beat mood of women’s lib? Or that majority of the Adam folks have already been seduced to watch the idiot box? Men perhaps are the easiest species to seduce, right from the fig-leaf days.

Woman-hours was the topic of the day at office. One of our friends who was averse to the idiot box, lamented at the reintroduction of Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) anchored by Shahrukh Khan. In his view, this programme had a serious impact on the dinner menu in every house. The ‘item-numbers’ on the dinner menu were neither alluring nor exciting anymore. The post dinner walks started proving to be ‘Gandhian’ walks, or ‘Satyagraha’ walks, he lamented…

He felt taking space walks alongside Sunita Williams would be a better option.
“It would achieve twin purposes. I will be spared of the idiot box and get an ideal setting for a “Walk and Talk!” he said.
Sunita are you hearing?!

Another friend had a dig at the whole hog of soap operas. He was particularly averse to Breakfast TV produced by most of the channels.
“Is it a lucky break?” he murmured to himself.
He was convinced that in days to come he had to choose either ‘Breakfast-or-TV’!

There were many who seconded his observation. The consensus was that the ‘Idiot-box’ is the chief contributor behind woman-hours.

“What woman-hours?” our theoretician friend queried adjusting his glasses.
My friend came out with a definition: “A domestic unit of ‘prime time engagement’, which is equal to TV viewing of one woman in an hour.”
My theoretician friend observed that astronomical distances are measured in light-years; on the same lines he suggested a change in the terminology from woman-hours to woman-years!! He said in a cajoling way: “Hey guys, there are 25x8 movie channels in the pipeline. You’ve nothing to lose except your breakfasts and a few items in your dinners”.

A week later we met a Doordarshan (DD) official and queried him on the wisdom of introduction of late night movies and beaming them across the country including the vast rural belt. We sought his advice as to how to reduce the viewing hours and stop telecasting late-night movies.

He spoke with assurance and nonchalance. “We eat too much. We drink too much. We sleep too much. We gossip too much” he thundered.
Our confidence was shaken..
Had we strummed the wrong string? , we thought. We were at the receiving end.
He went on with his harangue…
“Efficiency of a nation resides in the number of waking hours. A nation which is widest awake will come to the top.”
“Doordarshan”, he said, “will pursue its goals with an unflinching perseverance to keep the nation noisy and wakeful.”
“So you don’t object ‘Star TV’ invasion into our skies? “ , we queried.
Rising from his chair, he said: “Don’t go away. I’ll take a small break. ”

It was a welcome break for us as we were looking for an escape.
He returned earlier than we expected him to and saw us leaving. He swiftly brought us back to his desk and was ready to hurl his views at us.
Meanwhile his wife served us tea. Our friend enquired in a husband-like tenor: “No snacks?”
“I am watching ‘Big Boss’!”, she said curtly.
We interjected and said: “Don’t bother. Tea will do.”
While sipping the tea, his wife entered the room and was searching for the ‘TV-remote’. She located it. Her face was beaming on locating it.
My colleague, unable to contain his curiosity, asked her: “Madam, do you watch KBC?”
She said: “Of course, who will miss it?”
“If you win a good amount on KBC, how do you intend spending it?”
“If I could only buy an object, though there’s nothing I really need, I’d love to have a Sony TV with the widest possible screen!”
I murmured to myself, “Truly, ‘made for each other couple’. One is a transmitter and other a receiver!!”
I did not dare to ask her what she liked so much in soap operas.
I knew that the TV viewership ratings are only a measure of viewing behaviour and are not based on the quality of the programme per se. However, it is unreasonable to assume that there is no correlation whatsoever between the viewing behavior and the programme.

My friend who is intending to do her PhD was scouting fervently for ‘guides’ and ‘topics’? Isn’t ‘woman-hours’ an ideal topic? I earnestly hope that she would pick up the cue and her thesis would strive to answer the role of TV on woman-hours. I have a fond hope….

We thanked the couple for a nice cup of tea and for having shared their valuable time with us. Our host asked us: “…any last question?”

I asked him: “Well, do you think DD programmes as well as the other channel programs through cable network contribute to the huge chunk of Woman-Hours?”

He quipped: “Don’t bother about the TV viewership survey. It is loaded with gender bias and an improper sample by all means. The report says that majority of the woman viewers are in the age group of 25 to 35. The one who conducted the survey is perhaps not aware that women’s age remains static after 35.”

His wife was about to react …
As we were leaving the premises, our antennas could only pick up some feeble rants.

All is fair in the (day-to-day) reality game, I thought.

Miss Match!

This morning, I attended a wedding at our marriage hall.

The muhurtham was between 9:00 to 10:30 hrs. I reached the venue around 08:45 hrs.

To my surprise, there were hardly twenty to thirty guests outside the hall.
I grew doubtful. Had I arrived late or was I very early?!!
Firstly, I wanted to be sure that I had come to the right venue.
Since I didn’t bring the invitation card with me, I decided to look at the names of the Bride and Bridegroom displayed at the entrance.

"Madhavi weds Manoharan Nair"

That did not give me any clue and only added to my confusion.
I was certain that the bride’s father was not a Keralite.
Since the bridegroom’s name was clearly a Malayali one, I was convinced beyond doubt that I had reported for a marriage where I was not an invitee.

There were some guests who gave a baffling look on my unusual interest to read the names of the Bride and Bridegroom on the display board.

I told myself, “How come I don’t find a single soul whom I know?”
I was in a quandary. “Should I make a hasty retreat?”, I thought.
I was carrying the gift in my hand, neatly wrapped.
I looked at the “Best Wishes” card on it, just in case my wife had written the name of the Bride.
But I wasn’t so lucky. I couldn’t blame my wife as it was my duty to fill up those lines…

At that juncture, one of the reception committee members put a warm hand on my shoulder and said, “Welcome..Sir, Please Come.”

I mumbled “Thank you”, which I myself could not hear.
He led me to the hall.

At the entrance, the inimitable show case model was gesturing a “Namaste”.

I was feeling very cold despite the warm hospitality extended by my host.

I forced a smile on my face to greet the nice looking girls at the reception and took some sandalwood paste from the bowl and smeared on my throat. I was not sure whether I should apply it on my forehead or simply rub it on both my palms. I took some sugar cubes and immediately placed them on my tongue. There was hardly any saliva. My throat was dry.

My host informed that since there was sufficient time for the muhurtham, I must proceed for breakfast.

There was no way I could skip the breakfast or find ways to avoid entering the dining hall. He was right behind me. As the number of guests was small, naturally there was a determined effort to escort every guest into the dining hall and serve the entire breakfast menu with highest hospitality.

With utmost warmth and kindness, my catering-designate-host made me occupy a seat right under the fan. He called one of the serving boys to pay special attention to me and ensure that I was attended well.

I was certain that I was mistaken for some one from the groom side and that I was receiving extra attention and care.

I consumed the items in such swiftness as if I were on a Chennai-Bangalore short duration flight. At least on a flight, I had a choice to leave out those items that were not of my liking or I could ask for an additional bottle of water to wash the dishes down my throat. Here, my ground host did not ask for my choice: Veg or NonVeg? Coffee or Tea?… I had to savour all that was being served and put up a satisfied expression.

After my breakfast, I was led into the marriage hall. The priest was making preparations for the marriage. He seemed to be in no hurry.

I felt as if I were trapped in a reality wedding show. I was being watched by a camera; my actions and my movements were being monitored by all and sundry. Frankly, I was not aspiring for grabbing attention by any means. Ultimately, I would be invited in or shown the door out of marriage. I felt very nervous. My predicament was similar to that of any character in a reality show because the screenplay was unscripted and the only certainty was that I’d be shown the door when it would prove that I did not belong to either the bride or the bridegroom’s party. I was greatly worried of the ignominy I would have to undergo.

I was reminded of the uproar over the Shilpa Shetty episode. I imagined that I was surrounded by Jade Goodies all around, ready to pounce on me with choice invectives.

Why did I go and have the breakfast in such a hurry? I could have restrained myself in having that, however overbearing my host had been.
Oh, with what rapidity I’d consumed those dishes! Any onlooker would have thought I was onto breaking my fast through breakfast!

Meanwhile, there was a commotion at the entrance. I could hear the arrival of the groom’s party in a convoy of cars. There was welcome music with Nadaswaram.

It was perhaps melodious, but to my ears it was cacophony.

I thought that it was an opportune time to make a dignified exit.

I quickly spotted my two-wheeler. I pressed the self starter. It hissed and stopped. I hadn’t turned on the fuel knob. I realized my mistake and opened the fuel knob and kick started my vehicle. It didn’t fail me. I didn’t look back. With full throttle, I left the venue.

As I was reaching home, I felt as if an ‘SMS poll’ was on and my fate was being decided. I reached home and left the gift in the drawing room. My wife was busy preparing breakfast for my son.

I announced that I was going to office and was already late.

My wife came running into the balcony and shouted: “What about your lunch?”

I said : “I’ll skip it today!!”
“Why?”, she queried.
“I had a heavy breakfast at the marriage!”, and stepped up the accelerator to curtail the conversation.

I knew that she didn’t notice the wedding gift that I left in the drawing room yet. Had she noticed, I would have been trading a volley of questions on why/how…I didn’t, I couldn’t present the gift to the bride, why did I not check the venue/timing of the marriage etc, etc…

I knew, if I had waited for some more time, I would have had to explain the breakfast panorama.

I reached office and was into my routine..

There was a queasy feeling in my stomach. I’d already pushed the “Men” door twice. I was going through the ‘motions’ of a reality breakfast show!

Now I knew why these reality shows are also called ‘Game Shows’.

Well the question remains: Did I go to the right marriage?

I have to go home and check for the particulars on the invitation card!

Arise, Awake and stop not till you fall Asleep!

Lying awake, trying to fall off to sleep can be miserable. And the harder I try, the worse it eludes. Sleep is a delicate element. It has to be handled with all gentleness. It cannot be acquired by force. It has to be cajoled. Ideally, what we should do is to wait for it to slide down through our eyes and take us into the slumber land. If one’s mind is relaxed, one would fall asleep easily - it is as simple as that. But we all know it is easier said than done.

Does it often take you more than half-an-hour to fall asleep at night?
Do you wake up frequently during the night — or too early in the morning — and have a hard time going back to sleep?
When you awaken, do you feel groggy and lethargic?

If you answered "yes" to any one of these questions, you may have a "sleep deficit". I would prescribe this article for you more than anybody else.

Wakefulness to Sleep

I have spent sleepless nights trying to understand the mystery behind the transition from ‘wakefulness to sleep’ and many a time, I ended up slipping into the arms of Morpheus-the God of sleep. In my school days, I used to make elaborate arrangements to keep awake, especially during my annual exams. I used to consume a flask full of tea and end up sleeping earlier than my usual hour of sleep!

On some other occasions, when I wanted to sleep earlier, so as to catch the first bus to Chennai, often I used to turn into a nocturnal creature and end up in an act of somnambulism, walking straight into the bus in my pajamas. Trust me, no matter how accurate you are in guessing the time you wake up, surely you can’t be certain as to when you fell asleep!!

When falling asleep becomes difficult, you will land into a catch-22 situation. The less you sleep, the more stressed you become. And of course, the more stressed you are, the harder it is to fall asleep! Yes there is evidence that too little sleep can add to weight gain ‘cause you start eating when you’ve nothing else to do. Watch out, if you want to stay slimmer…don’t lose sleep over it!

Children and sleep

Of course sleep provides rest when we are tired. Naturally, we would like to hit the bed as early as we can. Also, if we sleep well, we are full of energy when we wake up. But, I’m puzzled as to how an infant manages to sleep for the greater part of the day, without getting physically tired. I am envious of them. Sleep like a Child is good autosuggestion to lull ourselves to sleep.

Agreed, children may sleep longer than adults but not at the time when you want them to. They sleep as per their volition. An infant particularly changes his/her sleeping schedules quite erratically. As long as your baby sleeps well in his crib, continue the arrangement. Don’t develop the habit of cuddling to sleep together with the child. You’ll pay the price for becoming an owl.
It's always a battle getting some children to sleep before 10:00 p.m., and by that time they sleep you’re more tired than your child is. My aunt used to invariably take a sleeping pill after putting her children to sleep because she had to sing lullabies for all four of them.

Sleep is not a state that you can easily force a child into. Be sure your child is tired. You may have to omit or shorten the afternoon naps of these imps if you want to seriously avoid getting addicted to sleeping pills.

My cousin ‘Chitti’, was very fond of playing with my 3-year old son. In one of his visits to my place when he was a bachelor, he wanted my son be allowed to sleep by his side. I cautioned him that he wouldn’t let him sleep. But he said: I’ll manage. I wished him good luck and dozed off. My son kept him awake the whole night. My cousin had to play all sorts of games with my son; listen to my son’s nursery rhymes again and again; look into the photo albums and know about his friend circle and slowly he quietly slipped into sleep almost at early hours. Well it was the time for my cousin to catch the bus. I woke up to the sound of wake-up alarm. I was surprised to see my cousin was all set to leave. “How was the night?” I asked him. He said: “It was a literal count down to the dawn. This little devil doesn’t give time even to yawn!”

Sleep and Sleeping Habits

We are aware that sleep is never homogeneous. It is said that one complete sleep cycle lasts for about 90 to 100 minutes. A person will experience 4 to 5 complete sleep cycles in one night. It has several stages like REM (Rapid Eye Movement), Alpha, Beta, Delta sleep etc. Delta sleep is supposed to provide the deepest sleep. Consequently, it is the most difficult stage to wake up sleepers, and when they are awakened, they are usually sleepy and disoriented. Sleepwalking and sleep talking are most likely occurrences during this phase.

My father knows nothing other than ‘Delta’ sleep, so vouch his brothers. He in his school days, I believe, dozed off while reading and pushed the oil lamp nearby. The adjacent table caught fire; his mattress caught fire, he was not disturbed a wee bit. Only ten buckets of water could douse the flames and bring him to this world. On another occasion, everybody went out for a function and by the time they returned he was in his delta phase. No amount of banging woke him up. Unfortunately, there were no calling bells in those days. I am not sure whether that would have helped either going by his track record. Fortunately, he woke up before the door hinges had to be disengaged.

It is common knowledge that the amount of sleep required by men varies according to age, sex and habit. A child sleeps half its time, an adult one-third, while an old person may be content with whatever little he gets. I am envious of women too. They sleep more than men. The average amount of daily sleep for young adults is 7-8 hours they say. However, there is considerable variability in how long people sleep. Sleep needs vary from person to person. You can’t prescribe average eyesight. If everyone were given average glasses to wear, most people would be uncomfortable!!

It appears 40% of the world’s population is dissatisfied with its sleep. Are you one of them? I am in and out of it. What makes us go ‘zzzz…’? The Frieburg University carried out a survey on global sleeping habits. In southern New Guinea, some people slept on a dead relative’s skull with a belief that it had magical powers to induce sleep. It is also said that Asians sleep better than westerners despite less favourable conditions. Western tourists to India have always been amazed at our ability to sleep while traveling in our rickety buses and rattling trains. Is our locomotive bodybuilding excelling itself in providing ideal sleep due to its jerky motion? Should be.

I am proud that there are some qualities we possess that westerners would like to ape. However, from a survey, it is found that our politicians are amongst the most sleep-deprived people in the society. You are at liberty to disagree with the survey or the finding or both! Another survey has shown us that lack of sleep affects our ability to think clearly and rationally. The results of this study are of concern, in that, our politicians, the people responsible for making decisions that affect all of our lives, may not be in the best mental or physical shape to do so. Who can help them? May be they requiring an urgent visit to ‘Art of living’ centres.

Light and Sound Sleep!

All of us in fact all living beings have 24-hour rhythm. Light and dark cycles set these circadian (or daily) rhythms. When we travel across time zones, our daily rhythm adjusts when the light and dark cycle changes. For shift workers, the light and dark cycle doesn't change and never adjusts. Whether we work in the night shift or not, we are most likely to feel sleepy between midnight and six a.m. During my school days, I never used to miss those midnight film shows on Sivaratri day. I don’t remember to have seen any such movie without short naps. No matter how many years one works a night shift, sleeping during the day remains difficult! One should block out ‘light as well as sound’ at bedtime. These are the two adversaries to sleep.

Sleep and Yawn

Yawning is a universal phenomenon strongly correlated with sleepiness. Whether yawning facilitates or impedes sleep, or has no effect, is not yet known. The most perplexing facet of yawning is that it is contagious. Unfortunately, yawn has not received the required attention. You take up some books, they beget yawns if not sleep!

Sleep and Pillow

Pillows are age-old supports to shore-up sleep. With or without soporific herbs into your pillowcases, it provides necessary comfort and opportunity to take you to sleep. The Romans I believe used rose petals; Abraham Lincoln preferred a filling of hops. The idea that herbs can help one fall asleep or stay asleep is not just folklore. Scientists have experimented successfully with lavender oil to induce drowsiness.

My mother believes that she can’t get sleep without her ‘designer pillow’. She carries it wherever she goes. It is a necessary adjunct for her even if she travels by flight! My cousin’s hubby needs 4-5 pillows all around him to go to sleep. I used to wonder what he will do in a train. [Unfortunately this warm and lovely individual, a few weeks back, went into eternal sleep. Let his soul rest in peace in the heavenly abode with those soporific pillows.]

My brother only needs to touch his head to the pillow. He straightaway enters REM zone. My son had a cute little pillow to cuddle and sleep. It was his teddy bear in a way. I still preserve it as a souvenir.

Sleep and Cricket

After analyzing the Indian Cricket team’s miserable one-day performance in South Africa, I have come to the conclusion that the day-night matches and their timings are a deliberate way of degrading the team's performance. We are fully aware that making ad films, modeling, etc are activities that take a high toll on the body. Naturally, after all this, our cricketers need their solid seven to eight hours of sleep to rejuvenate them. How can they get their sleep if they are forced to play half-way through the night? Is the BCCI president listening?

Sleep and Driving

How can you charge somebody that he/she is "driving while drowsy"?
There is no test yet to determine sleepiness as there is for drunk drivers!

Here are some signs that one should tell a driver to stop and rest in your own safety:

* Yawning repeatedly or rubbing your eyes
* Trouble keeping your head up
* Trouble remembering the last few kilometers driven

In one of those official drives to catch the early morning flights, I experienced all the above symptoms and the driver, considering his own safety, promptly stopped the vehicle en route and offered me a cup of coffee in a roadside tea shop!

Sleep and TM

Can't Sleep? Let's meditate on it. Meditation as a sleep aid is a new age doctrine. The Transcendental Meditation (TM) technique claims that it significantly reduces the time taken for insomniacs to fall asleep. Even though the body may be very tired quite often tension interferes with sleep. The TM technique practiced for 15-20 minutes in the morning and evening helps one to get a good night's sleep.

Someone has coined a nice expansion for SLEEP: “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan". Next time when you see Deve Gowda (or your boss) snoozing in a meeting, do not disturb him. He might be going through his SLEEP schedule. He is working smarter, if not harder! To sleep or not to sleep should never be an issue or a dilemma.

Tips to Sleep

If you want to drift off to sleep quickly and easily, I have a few words of wisdom. Take it or leave it. Always have the company of sleepers. You can resort to sleeping bags (or skulls if you prefer!). Drink fewer fluids before going to sleep.

If your in dire need for quality of sleep, maintain a sleep diary at least for a week with the following particulars: time you go to bed, time taken to fall asleep, number of times woken up amidst sleep, whether felt refreshed/fatigued after waking up, slept for how many hours, whether disturbed by stress/other’s snoring/power failure etc. Please ensure to provide the activities undertaken an hour before sleep like watching TV, consumption of caffeinated drinks, reading share market columns etc. The attempt to fill in your sleep diary itself can induce sleep, hopefully. There are some sites, which offer sleep online! I’m sure they’d collect your credit card details before offering any lessons!!

Government should organize ‘Sleep Awareness Lectures’ to highlight the importance of sleep to health, safety and overall well-being of the entire nation. It is of paramount importance to declare National Sleep Awareness day. I don’t mind if it is on my birthday!

…………zzzzz.

I woke up to the morning alarm. Yet another day began. Light was draining into my house and was diffracting from the walls into my cozy bedroom. Crows had started making noises, calling names from terraces! There was the clanging of vessels in the kitchen, and my son was being roused from his slumber to prepare for the school…yes another day had begun. My efforts to fall asleep in such an ambience were not worth an effort. I couldn’t even muster a ‘yawn’!

Oops, I can hear the shriek from the kitchen! Yes, it is an ultimatum. I’ve to catch up with others. Wish you a sleepy day!! Don’t worry much about daydreaming. Let me assure you, daydreaming neither gets you nightmares nor fogs your thinking!!

---

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

[I wish all my friends who visit this blogsite:
"A Very Happy and Prosperous 2007"
I extend my S.O.S* to all of them.
*S.O.S: Sleep off in Style]

Are you afraid of ME?

All of us at some time or other must have opened our window curtains in the morning and found that we are unable to see across the road. Now, when this happens there is no need to panic. There may be a simple explanation, either we might have mis-set our alarms and got up at the middle of the night or there might be a strong dense morning fog clouding the vision.

Circumventing similar situations, I tried to check the time in my wall clock. The dial was misty and I could not read the time. I rubbed my eyes and had a relook. But I miserably failed. I could see a halo around the clock. Had I developed cataract at such an early stage? I slowly read the time as quarter past two.

I went back to bed and continued my dream ... I woke up the next morning to the buzzer by the milk vendor. I had a cup of coffee which was very refreshing. After my morning ablutions, I was preparing for my office lazily. I had an uneasy irritation in my left eye. I had a careful look in the mirror. I was taken aback. There was no mistaking. I had contracted the ubiquitous Madras eye! I knew I had in store, a week’s unsolicited privation and isolation. Inevitable of course!

This epidemic----- Madras eye returns year after and has an eye on everyone, wary or unwary. Are you suffering from irritation in the eyes? Have you been rubbing your eyes quiet a bit? Well, this may not be just another allergy. You could be experiencing a bout of conjunctivitis. Americans call it ‘Pink Eye’. In Tamilnadu they proudly call it Madras eye. The local political leaders have not yet led a protest march to rename the epidemic as “Chen-Eye”.

Madras eye, these two words were already ringing in every nook and cranny of my township. No sooner the north east monsoon announced its arrival, at the time of Deepavali, the stormy conditions and the conjunctivitis were not far behind. The central calm region of the storm is called “eye” for whatever reasons. It may or may not get showers but definitely it heralds the advent of ‘Madras Eye’- the monsoon special!

I’d so assiduously kept the Chicungunya away from me but I was caught up with ME (in short for Madras Eye). My wife, having seen my predicament, isolated me from the rest. I was confined to a single room. She searched and located the “Dark Glasses” and left it on the table along with eye drops and other paraphernalia.

I rang up my boss and told him that I would be a bit late to work as I had to consult a doctor. He asked me sympathetically: “What’s wrong?” I just uttered: "Madras…." and he completed the second word instantly. He expressed his profound sympathies and his tone sounded very grave. He advised me to stay at home and join only after I got completely cured of it. Whenever I wanted to cry off from work for a week, even for a genuine reason, my request never used to get granted. But this time, “Madras Eye” had done the trick!

I had all the time at my disposal due to an unforeseen holiday. I went through the newspaper columns from first to last. There was enough reporting on Madras Eye. It had made its appearance at all the major cities and towns. Bangalore, Trivandrum, Pondicherry, had already come on the map of the Madras Eye. And the list was growing by the day. The report said that Conjunctivitis is caused by a group of viruses called Adenovirus. However, the medical doctors assured that this viral infection could not spread by air. Then, how did I get it? I had just seen a person last evening at the milk vending shop. Was he the culprit neutron for this likely chain reaction?

I don’t underestimate Madras Eye anymore. Once bitten, I was complacent. I was overtly confident that I wouldn’t have to worry about ME anymore. But I was proved ‘doubly’ wrong. Now I’ve become ‘trebly’ alert. By the end of the evening, my ‘EyeQ’ had gone up tremendously. I understand that our body develops lifelong immunity once affected by some viral infections like small pox. It will spare one for one’s life. But viral conjunctivitis- Madras Eye is not so magnanimous after all!

My attention fell on one of the features on ‘Animal Care’. A pet owner wanted to know whether dogs were also vulnerable to Madras Eye. The doctor replied in affirmative. He declared that dogs were not only vulnerable to Madras Eye but also to cataract. He boasted that the surgery for cataract was not difficult; it was the postoperative care that might be difficult. If your dog scratched its eye, you would be in trouble. So one had to make a choice. I quickly turned the pages. I did not want to read further on the subject.

With nothing much to do, I became nostalgic. I recalled my earlier tryst with ME. That was at least 5 years ago. My entire family had come under its supercilious influence. It was my son, the then 5-year old, who picked up first and set the eye balls rolling! It was a herculean task to handle him during those 4-5 days. He would resist us every time we wanted to put the eye drops in his eyes. One of those evenings, my wife attempted to put the medicine in his eyes and once again, my son began to put up a stiff fight. She tried to appeal to his reason. She said to him: “Won't you let me put the drops in? If not, you know what will happen. Daddy will do it when he comes home, and you know he'll just hold you down and do it!” He thought that over for a second and then, let her do it. I was watching the episode from a distance. I was asking myself: “Could I do it?” They were still not aware that my eyes too had already got the glint. I knew that I was heading for a worst case scenario.

This time, my wife and son put me in quarantine and went ahead with their routines. My wife ordered before leaving for her office that I should wear dark glasses, and use separate soaps, towels, and other articles to prevent further proliferation. I was just cursing my plight. What a one-sided deal I was forced to enter!

With or without the eye drops, the duration of my suffering seemed to last for about the same amount of time and with similar levels of discomfort. Yes, this had to be taken with a bitter pill!!

With my swollen eye and acrid discharge I did not want to stir out, but I was to go to the bank to withdraw some money (of course, wearing my dark glasses). I approached a teller counter and stood in the queue. By now, the dark glasses had attained notoriety and dubious fame and even became synonymous with conjunctivitis. Even the known faces tried to look the other way and avoided the teller counter in which I was standing. I was greatly surprised that my turn came very soon at the teller counter. I knew why many left my queue and joined the other teller queue-just to avoid getting infected from ME. I wished them good luck! The bank official also disposed me off in the shortest possible time. I just enjoyed the experience and was surprised at what Madras eye could do to the efficiency at such counters!

After a week’s forcible sojourn (or quarantine?) at home, I attended the office and in the evening, I went to the bank again. I was surprised to see no customer in the teller counter. I immediately pushed my cheque and looked at the next teller counter which had a long queue. I was puzzled. I collected my money and looked at the bank official thankfully. I felt a mild tremor. He was wearing dark glasses! I left the counter in no time, without even bothering to check the cash collected at the counter. Trouble always has a knack of catching one napping. So friends, watch out for dark glasses!

When I was entering my tenement, I found my neighbour –TVS in the second floor, climbing the stairs in dark glasses. I muttered to myself: “You too, TVS?”…He was on his mobile and yet noticed me entering my house. He wanted to come down and speak to me. I begged mentally: “Hey, stay on and don't remove your goggles”. Seeing the redness of my eyes and the remnant eye symptoms, he too took back his step. Who was afraid of whom?

He enquired whether I’d given a missed call. I said: “No”. By the by, will ME give a missed call? Emphatic NO.

We are always under the misconception that somehow, looking at a person with Madras Eye , would bring the disease upon us. But it never fails to bring back a smile for the fact that ‘we don’t have to look at one’!!

Next time when you have a similar experience of inability to see across the street after pushing aside your window curtains, you can add yet another reason for it, and it could be either due to the residual symptoms or the onset of Madras eye!! Now isn’t it an eye-opener?

Better late than never

Tired of living on a clock the entire week? Do you strongly feel that there should be more to life than being tied down by laptops, cell phones and desktop ‘weekly planners’?

Don’t worry. The sooner you fall behind; you’ll have more time to catch up! How this simple truth is often overlooked? Only those who have patience (or laziness) to react slowly will acquire the skill to procrastinate. Time and tide wait for none. Let them not. (No one took them seriously till the tsunami of 2004!)

Modern society has evolved into (and not inherited), a culture that brings us under time pressure. Several articles have been written on time management. But nobody has time to browse them as they are incarcerated in the web of time. We are in a society that is rich materially, but greatly impoverished in time. Once again it is time to think about time.

A misplaced fuse-wire or a tool will be found immediately after purchasing a new one. However, this is not true in the case of time. It’s mercurial. It has the power and magic to desert us irrespective of our mental state – conscious or unconscious. But what perplexes me is not its fleeting disappearance but its variable tempo.

Here’s a common experience. Whenever we look forward to a vacation, it approaches us at a snail’s pace, and the moment the vacation starts, it is spent very swiftly. Vagaries of time are difficult to fathom. But one has to find ways to outsmart its subtle ways of applying pressure in our routines.

One of the ways to handle this peril is to learn to procrastinate. I know, my views are contrary to what Lord Chesterfield said, “No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination, never put off till tomorrow what you can do to-day.” I wouldn’t like to comment on his anachronistic views. Life is not meant for attending to sundries on the same day. Life has to be unhurried and we have to have something to catch up tomorrow.

Recently, my son was on a holiday from US and I wanted to get one or two time management tips from him. He had many up his sleeve. Let me share the one on planning meals ahead of time. He advised cooking an extra portion of dinner which would serve for lunch the next day, or one could plan out for all the seven days at a time. Does his method appear to go one or two notches beyond Lord Chesterfield’s prescription? In reality: No.

Am I overstating my point? Nevertheless, I’ve decided to drive home my point of ‘time’. It is common knowledge that a restless man always lands up in a hypertension ward. He invariably marches towards ‘tension-peak’ as the doctor’s bill mounts. If you ask the doctor: “When I’ll be cured?” He would grant a grimace. He’d assure you saying, “Don’t worry. Time will cure everything”. Isn’t it ironical that time induces disease and cures it too! A greater irony is that the doctor earns the consultation fee for ‘time healing’.

Time has introduced ‘stress’ in many fields. It doesn’t spare the sportsmen too. Chess players come under time pressure. In one-day cricket the time pressure is enormous and of equal measure on players as well as spectators. I still remember the plight of an Indian spectator in the Sharjah cup who died of excitement in the stadium all due to application of ‘Duckworth Lewis Method of Calculation’.

Grandmaster Vishwanathan Anand never seems to come under time stress and always brings others into time pressure. He plays simultaneous chess with 40 odd players. He makes the first move on the first board and returns to it only after playing the remaining 39 boards. There is a lot to learn from this game plan. We must devote reasonable time to nibble at each task and then move on to the next. You can come back to the first one as many times as required until it's completed. In an increasingly competitive environment, the ability to procrastinate and yet achieve your targets keeps you in an enviable position.

Look at our politicians. Look at their unfailing health. Do they ever complain or come under ‘time pressure’. They seem to grow younger with age. All our seasoned politicians are either sexagenarians or septuagenarians. But making better choices in life frees up a lot of time for them I suppose.

What’s the secret of their health? (and w-e-a-l-t-h). Unarguably, their deft handling of time, I must say. They have mastered the art of delay and procrastination. Like a tribe, they all arrive late for any meeting, at least by hours. How adroitly they delayed the introduction of “Women’s’ Bill” in Parliament. Delay is an attribute for a politician and not a symptom. They know how to manage 9 to 5 and 5 to 9 equally well. (I mean they have a rare élan to manage well both home and office!!)

How many times has the rising sun greeted you? Seldom? Don’t worry. Vitamin D deficiency is not reported in the western world where sunlight is so rare, leave alone the sunrise. Then why worry? Relax and review. We cannot savor the present moment while plunging headlong into the next. We cannot find peace without pausing. Have always time by your side. Start chanting “Better late than never!!!”.

Tail Piece: John de Graaff is an editor of a book entitled: "Take Back Your Time". The book describes the essence of American time depravity and presents essays on time poverty by experts on workplace, family, health, and public policy issues. To address issues like this, the Simplicity Forum launched ‘Take Back Your Time Day’ on October 24, 2003—nine weeks before the end of the year, to symbolize the fact that Americans work nine weeks more each year than Europeans and Japanese. The organizers chose October 24 because the remaining weeks in the year symbolize the additional time that Americans work on job compared with their European brethren.

If we take back our time, what will we do with it? Well, our time is all we have and none of us know how much time we have remaining in our lives. Hence, let us "Take Back our Time" as much as we can. Don’t procrastinate. Join the forces on October 24 before somebody asks we Indians to “Give Back Your Time”.

Astro enLIGHTNING

Like many others, I have an overriding obsession of reading the daily, weekly and even fortnightly astrological forecasts. In fact, anything that appears in print media including online forecasts draws my attention. Like the morning coffee, these forecasts lay down the mood for the day. As often said variety is the spice of life, I make it a point to read as many forecasts as possible and reconcile with the one which promises the most for the day. I am an inveterate optimist and I never lose heart on a given day when no forecast is a good forecast.

There is an uncanny knack of reading these forecast columns. At first reading, they may not convey much. They may dwell upon diverse areas and bamboozle you. So you should approach them with an open mind. You have to read not only between the lines but also between the words. Sometimes within a word! If you sense a pattern, trust your perception. Answers would emerge like in the Da Vinci Code. These forecasts can activate our inner workings of aspirations. If you understand precisely what motivates you, then you could get what you want very easily from these forecasts. To lift your spirits your zodiac sign hardly matters. If your sun sign Libra doesn’t promise much, don’t get depressed. Read under the lunar sign. You will definitely have something to cheer. If you were born on a cusp, you are the blessed one. You will incorporate the energies of both signs. Read and trust the one that appeals to you the most.

Routinely, while sipping my morning coffee, I was browsing through the weekend forecast. There was a promise of great outdoors and gala time (could it be ‘gal’a time?) particularly near the seaside. ---making new acquaintances, news of legacy etc., etc., all these and more cool ones have stimulated my interest in the following week.
Inspired by the exciting forecast for the following week, I looked forward to savour every moment of it. I consigned my rational thinking to the safe vaults of my brain. I was conjuring up an exciting ambience. I planned a visit to a beach resort in Mahabalipuram during the weekend. I desired (furtively) that the thrilling forecast should come true.

As the weekend approached, to my misfortune, the ominous signs of a thunder storm, lightning and gales threw enough hints of a wet weekend. The weather had been getting progressively worse. I kept hoping that dame luck would smile on my weekend plans but the weather forecast threw a spanner and dampened my spirits. I listened to the latest forecasts on NDTV and BBC channels. The indications were quiet strong for a severe cyclonic storm! I cursed the weather gods for having conspired against me. Storm or no storm, I decided to go ahead with my plans. I got readied to face any eventuality, including aggravating my chronic ailment of rhinitis.

There was an instinctive desire to somehow prove that astrological forecasts were any day superior and reliable than weather forecasts. To confront nature on its terms, I approached a professional meteorologist and sought advice to ascertain how uncertain the weather forecast would be for the weekend. He was only too keen and eager to share his expertise. His prediction was that the cyclonic storm may cross the Andhra coast at Machilipatnam. He cautioned me that due to its influence heavy showers are likely accompanied with thunders and lightning particularly in southern Andhra coast, northern Tamilnadu and Andaman and Nicobar islands in the next 48 hours. His advice was very elaborate and very detailed particularly with respect to safety precautions of LIGHTNING. But to me, the suggestion was totally ambiguous and too tedious.

It was somewhat on these lines…

“Seek shelter inside a building and close all the windows and doors. If you are on the road, get into any car parked nearby until the storm passes away. Since the car is all metal it will conduct electricity to the ground so, do not lean against the doors or other metal parts.”

Well, I thought, why would I get into a car and electrocute myself…….? If ever I owned a car I would better jump out of it for safety. I did not want to arrest the torrent of professional advice after having approached him on my own. He continued…….

“Lightning strikes during such weather conditions and are attracted to high points of metal and water. If you are in the woods, seek shelter in a low area under a thick growth of small trees. Do not stand under a tall, isolated tree or near a telephone pole, or on a hill top…….”

May be it is easier swoon rather than to remember so many instructions. Any way, I did not have the wherewithal to interrupt such a forceful monologue delivered with such sincerity and conviction. His suggestion with regard to staying close to others is also worth recalling.

“If you are with others, keep several yards apart to prevent electricity transferring from one person to another. If you feel your hair stand on its ends, lightning may be ready to strike! Make yourself as small as possible to minimize contact with the current by dropping to your knees, bending forward, putting your hands on your knees and tucking your head down…..”

As he continued, he noticed my nervousness and offered me a cup of tea. After the tea he continued where he left off with renewed vigour. He meticulously demonstrated the entire act of kneeling down when lightning is about to strike. I thanked him profusely and assured him that I would think twice, why twice four times before I ever ventured out on a stormy day. I felt I had truly tasted the ‘thunder.’ The plans for a great weekend had to be relegated to cold storage. I simply gave up the idea.

All those grand hopes of an exciting weekend turned out to be a damp squib. The professional session left me dumb and shell shocked. It only aided in acquiring a new ‘lightning–phobia’ to my already existing long list of phobias.

Following this, I went to a photo studio to take a passport photograph. After the routine ‘smile please’ ‘look here’ instructions, the photographer clicked, I was on my knees and head tucked down…… all because of the flash that went off which reminded me of lightning. Poor photographer! He became nervous and inquired about my health condition. I assured him that I was perfectly all right and posed again. I somehow finished the formality after some more takes but without a flash! (I am yet to collect the snap!)

Believe me, the counseling on lightning left such a strong impact that whenever I see a cloud, a chill runs down my spine. I thanked the Almighty that Benjamin Franklin did not fall into the hands of these professionals. Otherwise we would have been denied of a great invention- - the lightning rod.

I woke up to another lovely, clear sunny Monday morning. There was not a cloud in the sky and I could already see many fishermen’s catamarans taking advantage of this late but welcome sunshine. What a contrast to the last few days. I opened my mail box to read my ‘Free Weekly Forecasts’ for which I’d signed up. The astro site had something for everybody - novices, professionals and 'astro-philes' like me!

Somehow I learned to stop worrying and read the forecasts. Wonder how?

Well, first you have to have a positive attitude towards astrology. If you truly believe, you will be validating the prophecy. Don’t ever get bogged down with one bad forecast. “My reputation grows with every failure”, said Bernard Shaw. So is the case with astrology.

Now, I knew why my weekend was a flop. I decided never to approach a professional again! Else, I may be inviting a risk of acquiring some new phobia. However, I wanted to find a name for my “lightning phobia” if any. To my utter astonishment, it was termed as: Astraphobia!!