Miss Match!

This morning, I attended a wedding at our marriage hall.

The muhurtham was between 9:00 to 10:30 hrs. I reached the venue around 08:45 hrs.

To my surprise, there were hardly twenty to thirty guests outside the hall.
I grew doubtful. Had I arrived late or was I very early?!!
Firstly, I wanted to be sure that I had come to the right venue.
Since I didn’t bring the invitation card with me, I decided to look at the names of the Bride and Bridegroom displayed at the entrance.

"Madhavi weds Manoharan Nair"

That did not give me any clue and only added to my confusion.
I was certain that the bride’s father was not a Keralite.
Since the bridegroom’s name was clearly a Malayali one, I was convinced beyond doubt that I had reported for a marriage where I was not an invitee.

There were some guests who gave a baffling look on my unusual interest to read the names of the Bride and Bridegroom on the display board.

I told myself, “How come I don’t find a single soul whom I know?”
I was in a quandary. “Should I make a hasty retreat?”, I thought.
I was carrying the gift in my hand, neatly wrapped.
I looked at the “Best Wishes” card on it, just in case my wife had written the name of the Bride.
But I wasn’t so lucky. I couldn’t blame my wife as it was my duty to fill up those lines…

At that juncture, one of the reception committee members put a warm hand on my shoulder and said, “Welcome..Sir, Please Come.”

I mumbled “Thank you”, which I myself could not hear.
He led me to the hall.

At the entrance, the inimitable show case model was gesturing a “Namaste”.

I was feeling very cold despite the warm hospitality extended by my host.

I forced a smile on my face to greet the nice looking girls at the reception and took some sandalwood paste from the bowl and smeared on my throat. I was not sure whether I should apply it on my forehead or simply rub it on both my palms. I took some sugar cubes and immediately placed them on my tongue. There was hardly any saliva. My throat was dry.

My host informed that since there was sufficient time for the muhurtham, I must proceed for breakfast.

There was no way I could skip the breakfast or find ways to avoid entering the dining hall. He was right behind me. As the number of guests was small, naturally there was a determined effort to escort every guest into the dining hall and serve the entire breakfast menu with highest hospitality.

With utmost warmth and kindness, my catering-designate-host made me occupy a seat right under the fan. He called one of the serving boys to pay special attention to me and ensure that I was attended well.

I was certain that I was mistaken for some one from the groom side and that I was receiving extra attention and care.

I consumed the items in such swiftness as if I were on a Chennai-Bangalore short duration flight. At least on a flight, I had a choice to leave out those items that were not of my liking or I could ask for an additional bottle of water to wash the dishes down my throat. Here, my ground host did not ask for my choice: Veg or NonVeg? Coffee or Tea?… I had to savour all that was being served and put up a satisfied expression.

After my breakfast, I was led into the marriage hall. The priest was making preparations for the marriage. He seemed to be in no hurry.

I felt as if I were trapped in a reality wedding show. I was being watched by a camera; my actions and my movements were being monitored by all and sundry. Frankly, I was not aspiring for grabbing attention by any means. Ultimately, I would be invited in or shown the door out of marriage. I felt very nervous. My predicament was similar to that of any character in a reality show because the screenplay was unscripted and the only certainty was that I’d be shown the door when it would prove that I did not belong to either the bride or the bridegroom’s party. I was greatly worried of the ignominy I would have to undergo.

I was reminded of the uproar over the Shilpa Shetty episode. I imagined that I was surrounded by Jade Goodies all around, ready to pounce on me with choice invectives.

Why did I go and have the breakfast in such a hurry? I could have restrained myself in having that, however overbearing my host had been.
Oh, with what rapidity I’d consumed those dishes! Any onlooker would have thought I was onto breaking my fast through breakfast!

Meanwhile, there was a commotion at the entrance. I could hear the arrival of the groom’s party in a convoy of cars. There was welcome music with Nadaswaram.

It was perhaps melodious, but to my ears it was cacophony.

I thought that it was an opportune time to make a dignified exit.

I quickly spotted my two-wheeler. I pressed the self starter. It hissed and stopped. I hadn’t turned on the fuel knob. I realized my mistake and opened the fuel knob and kick started my vehicle. It didn’t fail me. I didn’t look back. With full throttle, I left the venue.

As I was reaching home, I felt as if an ‘SMS poll’ was on and my fate was being decided. I reached home and left the gift in the drawing room. My wife was busy preparing breakfast for my son.

I announced that I was going to office and was already late.

My wife came running into the balcony and shouted: “What about your lunch?”

I said : “I’ll skip it today!!”
“Why?”, she queried.
“I had a heavy breakfast at the marriage!”, and stepped up the accelerator to curtail the conversation.

I knew that she didn’t notice the wedding gift that I left in the drawing room yet. Had she noticed, I would have been trading a volley of questions on why/how…I didn’t, I couldn’t present the gift to the bride, why did I not check the venue/timing of the marriage etc, etc…

I knew, if I had waited for some more time, I would have had to explain the breakfast panorama.

I reached office and was into my routine..

There was a queasy feeling in my stomach. I’d already pushed the “Men” door twice. I was going through the ‘motions’ of a reality breakfast show!

Now I knew why these reality shows are also called ‘Game Shows’.

Well the question remains: Did I go to the right marriage?

I have to go home and check for the particulars on the invitation card!